Artifacts of Note IV and a progress report from from the front lines.

There have been plenty of discoveries over the past week, as well as plenty of changes as we quickly approach the start of the renovation phase.

Artifact of Note #07202010-003

If you look at the artifact number you'll realize this is actually an old discovery that I failed to put up... Let me tell you this thing is frightening when worn, and I'm glad it doesn't work anything like the mask from "The Mask". *shutters* I don't even want to imagine...

Artifact of Note #07202010-004

Another "un-registered" artifact. If anyone has any idea what the hell this is please tell me. Also it somehow ended up in the middle of the floor of the front bedroom. I shuddered at the thought of items randomly appearing in different rooms and decided if that happens, I'm saving us the trouble and burning the place down to the ground and exhuming the bodies under the foundation.

Artifact of Note #07252010-001

Read the label carefully. Notice that is says Apple Juice... I couldn't find a date on the container anywhere, but the fact that the Apple Juice is no longer see-thru says a lot.


"Time to get drunk?" I lit the containers from behind to show how dark the juice has become.

Sir Christopher Raymond of Espartonia came to provide his services and discovered that the mirrored squares on the Northeast wall were attached not by glue, but by the double sided puffy tape!

Artifact of Note #07262010-001



The thought that at any moment more tiles could come crumbling down basically insured I would return in the evening to remove the remaining tiles on the Northeast wall.


I lacked proper eye-protection so I improvised and donned a pair of fancy shades and set to work breaking the reflective glass squares (Reflective glass doesn't come with the mandatory 7 years bad luck)

Shortly after I had begun work, Sir Christopher Lemley arrived to provide assistance. He too lacked proper eye protection, and lacking more conventional solutions... we improvised.



No this isn't weird at all. Also, notice the clear packing tape over the eyes.


Here are a few more pics of the Deconstruction of the Reflective Northeast wall:





A brief inspired homage to Pac-man.

We left the Pac-man ghost up for a bit while we took a break and disassembled one of the desks in the front room.


I would have taken pictures of the crazy-stupid angles we had to position the bottom half of the desk to get it out and into the garage, but I was too busy cursing and wishing that we could turn off gravity temporarily.

Eventually everyone except Janelle and I left the Estate and I quickly dispatched of the remaining tiles to finish our goal.


Here's a few more artifacts that were discovered during the week:

Artifact of Note #07282010-001

What's this? A primitive cellphone device?


Craziness! This thing was one of the first/early pager-pager txt'ing devices!!
Check out the full QWERTY keypad!

Artifact of Note #07282010-002

A Music CD entitled, "Killer Cuts" produced by Nintendo. I can only assume that it is a soundtrack for the game, "Killer Instinct".


The copyright is from 1995.. you know... back when they still made CDs.


With song titles such as, "The Way U Move" and "Yo! Check This Out!" You can tell this album was at the top of the billboard charts. No joke.
_______________________________________________

There has been huge events unfolding as we approach the start of our renovation phase. The next week should be filled with demolition work, but a more detailed update should be following this post in a day or two.

I leave you with this:


...May you never sleep again.

The secret to PODS success.

On Saturday, July 24th 2010 @ approximately 1400 PST an amazing feat of science, physics, technology, and magic occurred at the Estate. It has been my sworn duty to document every aspect of this entire process that is occurring.

Alas, I failed to document the magic that is P.O.D.S. (Which I'm almost certain stands for Pretty Orgasmic Delivery Services, obviously)

I suppose I'm getting a little ahead of myself here...

You see, PODS doesn't just use your typical moving truck to transport your useless stuff anywhere in the world... In fact the secret to their success is in how your crap is "transported".

Let me give you a minute to think about my intelligent use of "Quotes".

I'll wait...

...

Got it? YES! See, through my "careful" and "intelligent" sleuthing I've "discovered" that the PODS company has a indefinite contract with the Starship Enterprise.


Yes.. I'm a nerd.

Anyways, because of work I was unable to document the removal of the POD via transporter. (Solution: I must become un-employed!)

BUT! Not wanting to let anyone down, I've created a "CG Rendering" of how this amazing feat of engineering probably looked like.


Re-inventing Moving and Storage... with invisible nude faeries.

AND! As an added bonus, an animated GIF!

I would've made all the shiny swirlys animated, but hey... laziness is a bitch.

Also, I checked out their "website" and they have a bunch of "obvious" "propaganda" about how they manage the moving process in a boring and non-magical way. But don't believe them, they are only doing their best to "uphold" the Prime Directive.

and Kirk and his crew are always bending the rules slightly, especially when visiting the 21st Century, or in the case of Star Trek IV the 20th Century. Additionally Star Trek IV: A New Hope is sooooo much better then that Wrath of KHAAAAAAN! BS.

annnnd. I'm done.

House Works - Chapter 2 - an excerpt (Scarcity thinking)

Yesterday while Janelle and I were sitting in the garage taking a break from cleaning (AKA procrastinating) I pulled the House Works book out, (A.N. #07202010-004) flipped to a random page, and began reading.

What I found was quite insightful into the nature of clutter and how to fight it.

I thought I would share:
_______________________________________________
House Works - Chapter 2 - Housekeeping Skill Sets [an excerpt]
(Fighting clutter from the inside out)

Scarcity thinking: "I might need it."
People with scarcity thinking refuse to part with clutter out of fear that they will not have--or will not have enough of--the goods and items they need at some future time. Result: drawers filled with folded aluminum foil and stacked egg cartons, garages drowning in bent nails and broken tools.

Deal with scarcity thinking by dragging your fear into the open and staring it down--then move past it to release the hold on your thinking. For example, confronted with a cabinet full of empty yogurt containers (no lids), ask yourself, "When was the last time that I ever used one?" An answer that ranges from "never" to "about 25 years ago" means that scarcity thinking is behind the clutter problem.

Face the fear! Remind yourself that the world is full of empty yogurt containers. Your belief that they might all disappear is just that--only a fear. Out they go, both the containers and the fear behind them.
_________________________________________________________

That's all for now! I'm working on an update to the progress on the Estate. Which I'll hopefully have posted tomorrow! (Monday)

See you all then!

Artifacts of Note III and a brief report from the front lines.

Today a cornucopia of artifacts were discovered while cleaning up the Master Bedroom and the Kitchen.

Artifacts of Note #07232010-001 & #07232010-002

[LEFT] - March 9th 1992 - Price: $3.95
(18 Years, 4 Months, 14 Days, 1 Hour, 11 Minutes, and 21 Seconds old)
[RIGHT] - February 14th 1994 - Price: $4.95
(16 Years, 5 Months, 9 Days, 1 Hour, 11 Minutes, and 21 Seconds old)

Here's a historical perspective on how old these magazines are:

Any guesses on who the ice skater that's about to get her knee professionally massaged by a baton at the U.S. figure skating championships in Detroit?

I'll give you a hint..
It starts with Nan- and ends with -cy Kerrigan.

If you still have no clue what I'm talking about, it's probably just further proof of the age of these magazines.

You might also want to glance back up there and take note on how un-shopped and incredibly fat those women are on the cover.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tonya_Harding#The_Kerrigan_attack



Artifact of Note #07232010-003

Awww.. Omega-3 Gummy fishies!! According to the bottle it's a BRAIN BOOSTER with no artificial colors, flavors, or preservatives. I'm thinking it could probably use a little extra flavor because they taste like ass. Oh, and they expire May 2011 if you're wondering.

Artifacts of Note #07232010-004 & #07232010-005

I found these in a CD case stashed in one of the kitchen drawers. Finding money is always awesome, and finding old-school $10 dollar bills from 1995 is even more so. The two tickets to the right are for the Renaissance Pleasure Faire that took place August 25th - October 14th 2001 @ the Nut Tree in Vacaville, California. Now as soon as I figure out where the hell I parked my damn time machine me and one lucky person can travel to 2001 with our period accurate $10 dollars and get pleasured!

Here's a closer look:


This last piece was uncovered in the same drawer as the money and tickets, but I am still unsure as to what it was used for.

Artifact of Note #07232010-006

According to the text at the top of the device this might have been some kind of crude shocking device. The size of the Velcro straps do indicate that it was probably meant to be worn around the neck of a small dog or other household pet.

It's amazing how in just under 10 years we've been able to abolish such barbaric concepts as torture, preemptive war and Britney Spears.
___

On top of all the found treasures today was another successful mark on the map towards the renovation phase.

The master bedroom has been cleared of all debris.

BEFORE:


AFTER:

The Great Distraction of 2010 ...with a little help from my friends.

Some friends came over to aid in our epic quest. We set forth cleaning and re-arranging the Garage in preparation of using the space as storage for everything that's been left in the house. Halfway through the process we... WHAT!? 15 year old Astronaut Ice-cream!! p_O


...may have gotten a little distracted.


We have to EAT this!!!


Some people just don't know how to have fun.


Fear? Trepidation? These monkeys prod the ancient artifact attempting to devise the best method to obtain the treasures within!


Ah! A solution has been found!


15 year old Neapolitan Astronaut Ice Cream! We are seconds away from nostalgic bliss!


We were supposed to be posing with our bounty, but Chris decided he couldn't wait.


It's hard to tell, but this is a chunk of the chocolate flavor.


Down the hatch!


My brain: "I'm not sure what I'm tasting right now, but it's definitely not good. p_O
Chris' brain: "blrraaagggggghhhhhghghghhhhhhhhh"


Naturally. This had to happen.


Success!


Hrm... I wonder how the Strawberry will taste..


Wonderful Bliss!! (Translation: "It tastes like balls.")


Trying it in it's truest form..


Oh! Let me sing about how the different combination of flavors dance on my tongue! Joy of Joys! Oh, Holy of Holys#!&^!! *blrraaagggggghhhhhghghghhhhhhhhh*


And near the end of what will forever be known as, "The Great Distraction of 2010". One of the Knights of Parkwood heard the exaltations of bliss and merriment emitting from the Estate and dropped his heroic duties to partake in history.






Despite a slight unsettling of our stomachs immediately afterward, I am happy to report that no horrific side effects occurred from this day.

And after all the fun that was had, our goal for the day was reached!

BEFORE:


AFTER:



To top off this wonderful day Sir David Andrew of Sandwichberg discovered...


Artifact of Note #07212010-001

The fortune reads, "You are one of the people who 'goes places in life.'"

I honestly feel this find was quite beautiful because it really speaks to everyone involved. My brother and his family because they literally moved away, and those of us moving into the Estate and the opportunities that come with it.

May more momentous days such as this day continue to bless us with their presence.